It is hard for a fellow to comprehend just how much of a pain-in-the-ass (PITA) he can be to everyone unless he’s been married for a while. One of the “benefits” of being married is the constant feedback you get. Heart-felt exclamations of wonderment: How could you not know that? What were you thinking? Why didn’t you _____ ? (fill in the blank) … The list has been truncated to save bandwidth.

Something that I have noticed over the last few years is the manner in which I answer questions.  My natural inclination is to offer answers to questions that I wish had been asked.  This is the professor in me and sometimes it is okay to do. But it does confound some people. It bears some resemblance to the sport of fencing. The question comes jabbing into your scoring zone so you parry and thrust into theirs.  It seems a bit too competitive.

This competitive manner of conversation was polished to a high gloss in grad school.  I was in a large research group (20-25) with post-docs and grad students from all over the world.  To survive intellectually, you had to defend yourself and your ideas- sometimes very aggressively.  A residue of this forcefulness survives to this day. The trick is to keep it sheathed when speaking with ones spouse.