At some point a person has to decide that he/she is involved in enough activitites in life. This uncomfortable world of overcommitment is where I have been for a while. I’ve come to the realization that my consciousness has limited bandwidth and that intellectual stimulus can overload it in ways that are hard to recognize.
Having been born with lots of curiosity, I find myself piqued by a great variety of things in the universe. The sciency stuff is obvious. But there are other things that can consume much of my capacity for attention. It is much like an addiction to a drug. One soon becomes accustomed to a high baseline level of stimulus. As boredom sets in, the brain seeks greater stimulus. I can’t bear to wait 5 minutes without something to read. Cable television and the internet takes full advantage of this.
Last weekend I found myself totally immersed in the Free Electron Gas theory of metals. As I was wrestling with the math my family was out shopping and having fun. I was having fun as well, but it was of a more cloistered form. Was I being selfish? I think the answer is yes.
So, this life of intellectual pursuit can spin into a solitary life. I like to joke that some days I’m misanthropic and other days I’m very misanthropic. That’s not exactly true, but I will say that my patience for unstimulating conversation is limited. It comes down to the fuzzy boundary between ambition and obsession. It is very easy to slip into a condition that is referred to as eccentric. I can see how it happens. Maybe it is too late.
Lamentations on Chemistry 
I hate to tell you this, but you’ve always been eccentric. 🙂
People who live in glass houses …
As a chemist (organic) I have always had a constant pull to read up on all things intellectual: math, science, philosophy etc (often at the cost of social contact)…. but in the past three years, my career has taken a rather unfortunate turn and I now find myself drawn to my original (ala 4th grade) love, music. I find that any free moment (or dollar…which is rare with two kids) is spent in the basement, guitar in one hand and the record button on my DAW being pressed with the other…. At this point, I find it fascinating to learn how the greats like Miles and The Bird crafted their music… much like learning FMO theory.
The difference is that Miles and The Bird meandered into their music, often under the influence of powerful drugs. Later, the rest of us studied it, tried to apply formulae to it, and then try (often without much success) to replicate it. There are entire schools of music around formalizing what they stumbled (literally) upon. It’s like creating scientific theories and formulae to describe nautral phenomena, and it is not the same thing as actually creating the phenomena.
Th’Gaussling, another way to think of it is that some people have a larger need for solitude and/or intellectual stimulation than others. Just as some people have a larger need for social interaction, or how athletes seem to need an ever increasing amount of physical activity (just guessing on this one; I wouldn’t know!). So, I wouldn’t call it selfish to satisfy your curiosity or need of solitude. I would call that being who you are. Now, if there is something else going on and you are intentionally, albeit pasive-agressively, avoiding those you love, well, that is a different issue entirely. One well worth exploring (and ignoring at your peril!). Even so, those who love you surely must understand that you are no social butterfly and love you anyway.
Honestly, I wasn’t seeking counseling. I am just trying to explore some of the mysteries of growing older. While we gain resources in middle age, there are certain kinds of unpleasant barters we have to make to get what we want. Like the bear who climbed the mountain, sometimes all you see is the other side of the mountain. The Buddha would have reminded us that we needed to shed our desire for worldly possessions in order to make the trip worthwhile.
Oh, dear, was I giving unsolicited advice again? So sorry; compulsive attempts at helpfulness is a terrible habit.
Gale,
Your comments are always welcome. But you owe me beer.