Category Archives: Humor

Bizarre Food Offerings on Amazon

I just can’t resist passing this along. Amazon is offering some odd food products, like pickled pigs lips and earthworm jerky. The worm jerky producer also offers the Edible Insects Bag of Mixed Edible Bugs. Grasshoppers, Crickets, Silk Worms and Sago Worms as well as Zebra Tarantulas.

Am I being a silly American provincial with uppity, narrow-minded opinions on food? In this case, absolutely! I have a long-standing policy against bugs and internal organs. There is one exception to the bug rule- I do enjoy snow crab legs. These benthic bugs are a delight slathered in melted butter.

A vote against ‘Karen’

It’s become popular to refer to women who go on an angry tirade in public as a ‘Karen’ but men have no analogous name. This has always struck me as a bit misogynistic. We should retire this word in our day-to-day name calling. I would offer that a gender neutral slander like ‘jerk’, ‘sh*t head’ or ‘a**hole’ is more appropriate.

Of course, the age-old word ‘bitch’ has always seemed misogynistic as well. I vote we retire this also in favor of the above replacements. Just a thought. For fun, pick your own words for non-sexist slander.

Whoopee!

Folks have been applauding the appearance of two black quarterbacks facing off in this year’s Super Bowl. I agree, it’s a good thing, finally. But why did it take so long? Is this a trend or just a minor blip in the baseline? Only the Mandarins who control the mighty NFL can know for sure. If it bumps up the bottom line they’ll see to it. It’s not about fair, it’s about margins. Cynical? Ah, yep.

Oh yeah, I managed to go through the whole season without watching even a minute of NFL football. It was grand. I prefer to watch rugby. Unlike NFL football, something is always happening in rugby. If somebody goes down, they just play around the body. Isn’t that kind of savage? Hell yes. If somebody goes down in NFL football, there is a national day of mourning. Pansies.

National Aphorism Day, Redux

Sometimes I repost essays out of pure laziness and other times because the content seems apt. This one is from 7/7/07.

Below are a few quotations that patch together in a particular way.  

Here is a great quote lifted from the internet. With any luck it is accurate-

 “They lied to you. The Devil is not the Prince of Matter; the Devil is the arrogance of the spirit, faith without smile, truth that is never seized by doubt. The Devil is grim because he knows where he is going, and, in moving, he always returns whence he came.” (Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose)

Here is another good one-

“When a government is dependent upon bankers for money, they and not the leaders of the government control the situation, since the hand that gives is above the hand that takes. Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain.” (Napoleon Bonaparte)

And then there is this-

“Ask a Soviet engineer to design a pair of shoes and he’ll come up with something that looks like the boxes that the shoes came in; ask him to make something that will massacre Germans, and he turns into Thomas F–king Edison.” (Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon)

Neal Stephenson’s book, Cryptonomicon, is quite good though ponderously large.

Below is a comment from the notorious Uncle Al-

Uncle Al

Mediocrity is a vice of the doomed.

Beware any society that has grown comfortable within its ancestors’ nightmares.

To guarantee a good product, bill Customer Support costs to Design Engineering’s account.


“Freedom” said the policeman, and played baseball with his truncheon.

When swine vote, the man with the slop bucket is always elected swineherd(er) no matter how much slaughtering he does.

What is the foundation of American zero-goal education, corporate management, and government? Mud packs more tightly than jewels.

Social engineering: How easily we obtain what we do not want.

First ecstasy, then laundry.

Santos Awarded Chair at Prestigious University

The Department of Symbolism at Poltroon University in Guapo, Arizona, is proud to announce that Representative George Santos (R, NY) has been awarded the Arthur E. and Katherine T. Slush Foundation Chair in Mendacity Studies. University Distinguished Professor Santos will deliver a seminar on Friday, April 7, in the John Wilkes Booth Auditorium at 4:30 pm on the “History of American Mendacity”. Coffee and cookies will be served at 4:00.

Going to Mars to Live

I have not been asked about the long-term colonizing of Mars yet so I thought I’d make it clear that I’m not in favor of it. Just imagine living in a super-isolated pressure can 24/7 on a very cold world with no breathable air. It would be like going to jail with the added risk of asphyxiating and freezing to death all at once. No flora or fauna to cheer things up. Just the same tiresome people with the same tiresome board games to play. No smells beyond that of other people. Over time cliques and romance may form and dissolve into antagonism. No web of life other than just you and your gut flora.

You: Wanna go to Mars?

Me: What, are you nuts??

Colorado Cricket

I was surprised to learn today that Colorado has a cricket league. From down in my hole under that flat rock along the riverbank I often miss out on seismic news items like this. Good Lord. What’s waiting for us next? A plate of peas and warm beer?

This is something new to ignore. Well, okay. I do enjoy watching rugby. Unlike NFL football, something is always happening in rugby. Even when a player goes down, they just play around him. Plus, there is the Haka ceremonial dance that the team from NZ performs. Such interesting savagery.

The Dear Leader is Trafficking in Trading Cards

Former president #45 has announced on his Truth Social platform that he will be offering “Limited Edition” NFT trading cards of himself in various costumes and poses for $99 each. According to the website, with every card you purchase, you’ll be entered into sweepstakes for a bonus offering of prizes- many of which are a chance to bask in the shadow of the impeached man himself. The cards feature images of #45 posing as a western lawman, astronaut, zillionaire, golf great, right-stuff jet pilot, football player, NASCAR driver, and boxing champ. They hit all the stereotypes of the All-American hero.

The Non-Fungible Token form of the card is as weightless and ethereal as his alleged “greatness”. Your NFT will take up residence in the incomprehensible upside-down world of the blockchain.

>>> I would post a picture but I don’t want to soil the interwebs with #45’s picture any more than it already is. <<<

The disclaimer at the bottom of the webpage says that NFT INT LLC is not owned, managed, or controlled by #45 or his companies.

It’s all very funny but also a little sad and maybe cynical. This NFT as an item of commerce rests on the assumption that supporters of #45 function at a level that thinks that buying trading cards featuring a cartoon of a swaggering gas bag is a good “investment” and are willing to pay $99 a pop for a kitschy fantasy image. I guess you could print out an image on your $89 home Agilent printer then tape it to your refrigerator.

As a business model, this has a certain appeal. No production expenses other than some graphic art, a website, setting up an LLC and a bank account in the Cayman Islands. Everything is online and automated. The electronic media are providing free publicity in the form of news segments just like they did during the 2016 presidential election. Word of mouth does the rest. It is a money machine where you put in pennies on one side and dollars come out the other end plus it shouldn’t require very much supervision. Looks like a good online hustle.

Sodium Disposal in a Lake

For your viewing pleasure I have provided a link to a short but interesting video. It shows the disposal of large drums of wartime metallic sodium into a lake in Washington. It has that WWII news reel sound.

“Wartime sodium” in Washington suggests that the Na is from Hanford. Just a guess.

Thanks to Randy for the link.

Gas Coalification Pilot Plant Startup 2Q2024

Engineers at the Gas Coalification Institute at Poltroon University in Guapo, AZ, have produced a breakthrough in the coalification of natural gas (CNG). Professor Horst Graben, Director of the GCI, announced a breakthrough in the carbonization of desulfurized natural gas. Graben said that using existing rail infrastructure to transport bulk carbonized natural gas would be more economically feasible than building gas pipelines to remaining coal fired power plants. He went on to say that plants burning this new fuel would not generate water vapor, eliminating a source of corrosion. The conversion from coal to CNG would require minimal modification of equipment.

Graben also disclosed a new process for the capture of CO2 and its direct incorporation into beer and soft drinks. Graben said that CO2-capture breweries and soft drink bottling plants could be built alongside the CNG power plants. The plans call for power plant exhaust to be piped across the fence to the beverage plants for immediate CO2 capture, eliminating the need for storage. Major bottling companies have already expressed interest.

The GCI plans to start up a pilot-scale plant in Confounded, Montana, in the second quarter of 2024. A 100 million metric ton per year plant is currently in the design phase.