Category Archives: Whimsy

Professor Irwin Corey

Sunday morning and the poker is in the fire. Gotta love these 6 day per week jobs.

Enroute to other things (ETOT) I blundered into the website of Professor Irwin Corey. This guy dates from way back on the timeline.

Professor Corey is credited with numerous quips, among them-

“If we don’t change direction soon, we’ll end up where we’re going.”

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

“You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.”

Corey’s schtick is parody of the egghead elite. He portrays a kind of daffy, absent-minded professor who is forever stuck in lecture mode. He stitches together impressive sounding language into a maze of dead ends leading to a hilarious rhapsody of non sequiturs.

There is probably no relation to the other professor Corey at Harvard.

Winter Wonderland

Merry Christmas to all the good bloggenvolk out in the world! Thank you for the visits and the thoughtful comments- I appreciate all of them and do visit the linked sites.

As the sun sets in northern Colorado this Christmas eve, the back range of mountains are shrouded in the seasonal foehn wall of clouds with higher lenticular clouds scattered along the length of the Front Range. In some locations, stacks of lenticular clouds mark the spot where a standing wave of stratified zones of humid air mass is orographically lifted to form these curious formations. They resemble stacks of white flapjacks and can change their shape over a period of a few minutes.

On one memorable evening during cruise descent from altitude into Denver eastbound across the Rockies, we flew alongside a stack of salmon-orange hued lenticular clouds backlit from the setting sun. It was truly magical. Exiting the plane I mentioned this to the pilot and she nodded knowingly. At least a few of us were paying attention to the greatest show on earth.

In my mind’s eye, when I think of christmas the first image that appears is a field of Iowa cornstalks jutting out of drifted snow, ice crystals glinting from the surface crust in the low sun of winter. Indoors, my grandmother cooks lutefisk and scalloped potatoes while my grandfather taps out a polka on the piano. It is now a hundred years and a million miles distant. I miss those people.

Keeping it fresh

On occasion I have the chance to do what I really dig- running some new chemistry with the stereo cranked up high.  It can be Joe Green (Verde), Stevie Ray Vaughn, Eric Clapton, or Prairie Home Companion- I don’t care. Th’ Gaussling does love the blues. Opera, surprisingly, is a recent taste.

One circumstance when I can’t listen to tunes is when I’m reading patents- I need all of the focus I can get. I do have an unhealthy interest in patents and patent law. If you are so afflicted, I would recommend visiting the websites of a few law schools like George Mason University Law School. I would also highly recommend the website Patently-O.  The size of the patent law business is amazing. And make no mistake, it is a business.

Anyway, back to the lab.  I spent today doing what turned out to be a fairly tight fractional distillation.  Of course, this gave me an excuse to do GCMS. I love to work out fragmentation patterns in a pathetic effort to understand the side products. A long time ago I invested in McLafferty’s book on mass spec and it was a good investment.  A large number of folks place heavy reliance on the mass spec library on the computer.  If you’re bringing new materials to market, this resource may be of little value.

After a day of watching product drip, drip, drip, I am decompressing with a glass of Old Chubb. Pretty good stuff.

Friday Links

Here is an interesting link. It is a simulation of the famous Enigma Machine from WWII. You can alter the settings and input a string of text to be encoded. The flash simulation will show how the thing works. If you copy & paste the encrypted string back into the input, it will decrypt it.  Not surprisingly, it doesn’t accept number or space characters.

Ever seen pictures of an uncontained jet engine failure?  It would be interesting useful to know if the frags had enough energy left over to penetrate the cabin.

Memo to Bill Gates

To:  Mr. Bill Gates, Microsoft

Re: Vista

Dear Mr. Gates,

Please set aside an afternoon next week to visit with Th’ Gaussling regarding the new Vista operating system. Also, please bring along a cheque for $150.00 as compensation for brain damage associated with Word document compatibility problems with XP. Oh, we’ll need 2 forms of ID.

Golly, Mr. Wizard.  As planned obsolescence schemes go, this one is a whopper. It’s an upgrade storm that will eventually rain on everyone.  You Microsoft guys are really clever.

Kindest regards,

Th’ Gaussling

Chemohaiku

Minty fresh silane

Your smell so sweet, but please don’t

Silanize my brain

Down, angry reflux

There is time for all vapour

to cool, clear and calm

Toluene methyl

Singlet of grief, go away

Without you, I’m done

Chemical Market Echoes

Perhaps the best decision Th’ Gaussling ever made was to stay clear of the pharma business.  In grad school (1980’s), the Standard Model for an ambitious organikker was to work hard in a good group and maybe, hopefully, with any luck, get an interview or two with the big pharma houses. The goal was to land a plum slot in drug discovery with Merck, Glaxo, Pfizer, or several of the other stars in the fabulous constellation of Big Time Drug Discovery.  [Cue Ethel Merman– “There’s no business like pharma business like no business I know !!”]

Most grad school friends have had great success in this field, some are already in director and VP positions. I’m very happy for them.  But I find that I have zero regrets about not going into the drug industry.  It’s not a slam, just a fact.

From my quiet perch behind the curtains, I get to watch a hundred stories play out. Many products that are mind numbingly boring to others are things I know to be the result of difficult and fascinating technology. Elementary things, like the ability to peel off a sticker from its backing is the result of highly engineered materials and processes.

One of the really curious things I see from time to time is what I call a chemical market echo.  Now and then someone will report some work at a conference wherein our product is featured as a key reagent or substrate. Shortly after the attendees get home, there is a flurry of requests for quotation from others in the field. These queries come in from around the world like echoes bouncing off distant objects.

I have seen this numerous times and I am presently in the middle of such a cycle. It is quite gratifying to know that your product has garnered a bit of interest. Unfortunately, penurious professors only order a few tens of grams at a time.

Echoes happen in other ways. If you are in the business of making odd things, a single query will come in from the end user followed by query echoes from others hoping to buy and sell to that single end user. Sometimes the echoes come from competitors hoping to do some sly competitive intelligence work, pretending to be a broker or end user. There are many ways to be lied to in business. All’s fair in love and war. And business is war.

MS Cyborg. Resistance is Futile.

Much has changed in the consumer computer world in the 3 years since I last bought a computer. We recently purchased an HP Pavillion laptop computer. It comes with MS Vista and a bunch of other applications already installed. No program discs or manuals at all. And, like an infant, it pops out gasping for life sustaining air. Only in this case, it gasps for connection to the internet. 

What moves me to write this post is my naive refresher on the extent to which we are becoming enveloped and intertwined by the internet. Increasingly, the internet is becoming the central nervous system of our civilization.

While standing in front of a display at Circuit City I called the HP customer service number to inquire about the warranty on their Pavillion. I eventually spoke with a fast talking character who flat out said that I should not buy from Circuit City, one of their own distributors (!), and that I should have a custom laptop assembled by HP.  After 10 minutes of irritating hard sell, we eventually hung up on him.

This isn’t just about commerce. This is about anthropology. A commercial tool is absolutely altering how we do nearly everything and how we expend scarce resources.  It is a tool that uses features you cannot own- you can only agree to the terms of a license. This tool is held together by the sinew of invisible electronic code. This tool is both pleasurable and fearsome. It can be swung by governments, accountants, and 9 year old Hindu children.

To even inquire about these computer tools, we are forced to use computerized telecommunications and speak to computerized devices that filter and channel us into packing house chutes like pigs to slaughter. This sorting process can identify willing consumers, plump with credit, and prepare them for flensing.

We have become giddy and willing participants in a change that is almost biological in its transformation of our social structure. The very first thing that a MS program wants to do is to connect with the Mother Ship at Microsoft. Increasingly, our DSL connected computers are becoming assimilated into the control of the collective being.  It would be an exaggeration to say that it resembles the Borg of Star Trek. But the idea of assimilation of information flow into a master network is beginning to take shape. A master network suggests master control.

Consumers have control of the situation, you might say. At some level, yes. But there are disturbing trends that need to be recognized.  The playing field of global commerce is neither egalitarian, democratic, or laissez faire. While there may be harmonized regulations that cut across national borders to slow down the more obvious scams, the nature of the players is changing.  Increasingly,  nationalized organizations are participating in the market place in a big way.  In the petroleum market for instance, NOC’s control approximately 75 % of the worlds petroleum reserves. That means that soverign nations can modulate scarcity directly.

Autocratic and paranoid governments do what they have always have done. They restrict access and reduce transparency. When such governments have control of commodity production (i.e., Gazprom), their resilience in the market is magnified by the fact that overhead can be subsidized and scarcity can be driven by politics.  Nationalized commodity suppliers do not suffer the full forces of the market place because they can be floated by the government.  The cleansing effect of the market place on inefficient operation is ineffective.

The openness of the internet can only go one direction. It will increasingly be subject to contrivance and control by organizations that seek facile extraction of dollars from you. Today, buying a computer means giving increasing consent to automated integration into the net.  We willingly comply because we are first and foremost primates who are dazzled by flashing lights, pretty colors, and a new axe to swing around.