Category Archives: Whimsy

Synthetic Chicken- Regular or Extra Crispy?

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While the rest of us were wasting our time sleeping or soaking in the spa, our ambitious food scientists have been steadily beavering away on the cultivation of chicken tissues. The goal is toward the mass production of chicken-like food.  Poulterer and Kentucky Colonel Harlan Sanders will be transformed into tissue farmer Dr. Sanders in a lab coat and goggles.

The mass production of tissue cultivated meats won’t happen anytime soon. However, it is something that is being investigated by serious workers in the field.

I have to admit that my unquestioning embrace of Progress is weakening. Nonetheless, interesting things are happening. Consider the work of Vladimir Mironov, Director of the MUSC Bioprinting Center at the Medical School, University of South Carolina in Charleston.  In an effort to get around the engineering problem relating to the construction of 3-D structured tissues, the idea of layering cells by ink-jet deposition was developed.

Who knows where this is going?  Mironov’s technology will be very expensive initially, so its application to the production of $4.59 pork tenderloin sandwiches at the local diner is some distance into the future. More likely than not, it will be used for the cultivation of designer transplant organs.

Eventually, some company with deep pockets will attempt to market engineered meats. I would venture to say that the marketing problem is nearly as big as the technology challenge. Wide acceptance into the marketplace will take a while. I wonder how the first ad campaign will take shape? PETA approved Beef-Like Steak Food. Marbling and tenderizing is already engineered into the “cut”. Marketing may eventually be its undoing.

Synthetic chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and synthetic gravy. Genetically modified Roundup Ready corn on the cob boiled in reverse-osmosis purified water. HEPA filtered air in a kitchen cleaned with anti-microbial soaps. Mouths freshly gargled with hydrogen peroxide and bellies full of nutritional supplements. Lordy. Where are we going with this?

All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2008.

Vatican Astronomer Approves Belief in Aliens

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Vatican Astronomer, Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, stated in an interview that, essentially, belief in aliens was not incompatible with Catholic Doctrine.

“How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?” Funes said. “Just as we consider earthly creatures as ‘a brother,’ and ‘sister,’ why should we not talk about an ‘extraterrestrial brother’? It would still be part of creation.”

In the interview by the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion “doesn’t contradict our faith” because aliens would still be God’s creatures. Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like “putting limits” on God’s creative freedom, he said.

This is quite a thing to hear from the Vatican. Rev. Funes stated that he felt that the big bang theory seemed quite reasonable to him, provided that the universe was an act of creation rather than chance. The Vatican has come a long way from the trial of Galileo, resulting in what John Paul II called a “tragic mutual incomprehension.”

In honor of Pope John Paul II passing awayI still see you too man I just think its funny to refer to the pope as a celebrity. peek-a-boo, pope

Photo pilfered from Collegehumor.com. 

More snow.

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May 1, 2008.  Snowflakes are blowing around the lilac blossoms. Predictions call for 8″ to 16″ of snow in the northern mountains. Rain & possible snow for the northern front range. Lordy. 

Proof

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This week a local community theater group is putting on a production of Proof, by David Auburn. It is a drama about an insane mathematician and his daughter.  Since casting didn’t require an oafish, middle-aged cornfed, my role is strictly behind the scenes. My job will be to supply darkness by turning down the lights on cue.

Spent the weekend putting in a new lighting system based on what is available at Home Depot. Actually, the lighting works pretty well.

Some Men Like Cheese

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If you appreciate the famous cantata Carmina Burana by Carl Orff, you’ll love this interpretation. It is not a small download, but it is worth it.

Enjoyed a decent local production of Guys and Dolls last night. The parts of Miss Adelaide and Sister Sarah Brown (soprano) were particularly well played. The soprano could really belt it out- It was spectacular.  I shared the table with a theatre director and a quantum physicist. Interesting mix.

And then I woke up

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And it came to pass that a Being appeared to Th’ Gaussling one afternoon in the laboratory. But this was not a Being in the league of the Angel Michael or Gabriel. This was a somewhat lesser Being. Call him “Ed”. 

While Th’ Gaussling was tending to some matter in the lab, the Being Ed made his presence known by speaking through the vacuum line.

“Gauss-ling“, hissed the disembodied voice through the Buchner filter.

Gaussling startled, dropping a few grams of precious crystals on the benchtop, and looked in full circle around him trying to find the source of the voice.  Puzzled, Gaussling stood still for a few moments listening for more sound and then, with a shrug, began to clean up the mess.

“Gaussling, I’m down here” said the voice, a bit more impatiently. “Set the spatula down and look in the filter”.

Sensing a practical joke, Gaussling replied sarcastically “Bugger off! I’m busy. Buncha NIM-rods …”.

With unmistakable urgency, the voice commanded “Look in the Filter!” At that moment, the vacuum pump changed its sound to a quiet tap-tap-tap, indicating that the pressure had dropped. The mercury column in the manometer collapsed and the pump noise became just a whisper.

Gaussling promptly stopped what he was doing and leaned towards the Buchner filter while scanning sideways for pranksters. But the room was empty and the voice had a decidedly raspy edge to it now. As Gaussling peered into the filter he noticed that a voice appeared to eminate from the vibrating filter paper. As the funnel spoke, crystal fragments danced across the flat paper like rice on a snare drum. Gaussling froze and couldn’t manage a breath.

“What do you want?”, Gaussling gasped.  “How can this be happening? Who are you?”

“You may call me Ed. Some of your kind have referred to my species as ‘Angel’ “, Ed replied matter-of-factly. “I think you’ll find that description to be inaccurate.” 

At that moment Ed apparated beside Gaussling in front of the fume hood. There was a rattling pop and the crackle of static discharge with a brown puff of nitrogen dioxide and ozone. Disconcertingly to the traveler, this type of conveyance caused the accumulation of static charge. Gaussling momentarily wondered how many Coulombs of static an Angel could withstand, but then snapped back to matter at hand. 

Still quite shocked, Th’ Gaussling managed to squeek out a few questions. “How did you do that? Where are you from? What do you mean by Angel?”

Ed was always annoyed with such questions. The gosh-wow-sense-of-wonder reaction from these creatures wore thin after a while. As Ed took a moment to adapt to the atmosphere and the pressure, Gaussling looked up and down at the visitor.  It was apparently a he from the outward mannerisms and dress.  Gaussling wouldn’t push the issue of gender right away.

“Dear fellow” Ed said in an impatient and distinctly British tone, “would you kindly relax and set that bottle down? I need to speak with you.  I’m only able to stay for a moment. This kind of travel causes extreme parity violations in the cosmos and is possible only by rather large energy consumption elsewhere, not to mention great discomfort for me.”

“So, you’re Ed? ” Gaussling said awkwardly. “What are you doing here?”

“I have a gift for you,” Ed replied in a matter of fact tone and reached inside his vest. “In fact, here it is.”

Ed pulled out a small vial that appeared to be of glass construction. At the bottom of the glass vial was a powder. It was unremarkable in every way and initially resembled ten thousand other colorless powders.

Ed held up the small vial and grinned. “See, here it is. Oh, my my my. You are going to be very amused.” He could barely contain his glee. Ed held the vial up toward the light but now the powder appeared somewhat different. Gaussling thought he saw a faint iridescent glint to it. A flash of a shimmer of spectrum against the cold fluorescent lights.

“I have come a long distance to give this to you. It is a substance capable of great wonders for those with the curiosity and wisdom to use it properly. But it is also capable of doing great harm. Soon you will see.”

Gaussling stood there, attentive but unable to utter a single word. After a few moments, Gaussling sputtered “What does it do?” 

Ed stood for a moment and then gushed with great delight, “I though you’d never ask. Get me a flask with some liquid in it, any liquid.”

Gaussling grabbed a 250 mL beaker and splashed a bit of acetone in it- 50 mL or so. Gaussling handed the beaker to Ed.

“Gaussling, I am going to put a single crystal of this substance into your liquid. Watch …” And with that fluorish, Ed expertly shook a single crystal of this substance into the beaker. The result was immediate and spectacular.

As Gaussling watched in amazement, the list of uses washed over his mind like a storm surge over a levee.  “How can this be happening?” Gaussling gasped.

Email Etiquette- Going Nuclear

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A pet peeve I have with my some fellow adult co-workers is their bad habit of excessive cc’ing people on emails. The most pernicious version of this is an email where a list of grievances is sent around with the conspicuous presence of some upper level manager carbon copied, or worse, blind copied.

This habit is a transparent kind of tattle-tale leverage used in the art of persuasion. Once someone has “publically” complained to upper level folks, everyone else has no choice but to opt for CYA.  It is like a nulcear weapon- once released, it knocks everyone down. I refer to these situations as “going nuclear”.

People feel that they have to respond in kind.  One email escalates to many. Soon, there is a flurry of emails clogging the inboxes of those trapped in this fetid tidal pool. Eventually, the tempest dies down leaving the boss wondering about the judgement and temperament of the staff. 

The worst kind of cc is the bc, or blind copy. This method is favored by practitioners of the dark arts. It is a truly reprehensible practice and people who do it should be hunted down like the rabid  curs they are and tarred and feathered. Neutered, maybe.

C6D6

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Crap. I nearly had a heart attack the other day. Absentmindedly, I burned an NMR in CDCl3 instead of C6D6. The shifts were all cattywompus. The atropisomerism I was expecting from the amide was nearly non-existent in deuterochloroform and my aromatic peaks were all flibbertygibbet. Cripes! This was no good at all!

So, I went to a nearby diner and thought about it over a plate of hashbrowns with onions, jalapenos, and cheese. While gnawing on the breath-busting composition, the problem of solvents dawned on me like an ice cream headache. Doh!!