Sick Pups at News Corp.

There are some pretty sick kids working over at News Corp.  They’re the ones behind the O.J. Simpson freakshow that will air on Fox over the thanksgiving holiday, Nov. 26 & 27.  There is supposedly a book as well. 

I refuse to waste many more heartbeats thinking about it so I’ll be  brief.  At some point, a genius at Rupert Murdoch’s shop decided it would be a good idea to get OJ Simpson to, in lieu of a confession, fabricate some morbid story describing how he would have (hypothetically) committed the infamous double homicide. 

There is almost nothing new to say about OJ Simpson so we’ll leave that alone.  The really twisted part is that somebody at Fox committed resources to put together this “show” to air over the holiday.  OJ’s sickness speaks for itself. And so does the pathological state that exists in the “newsroom” at Fox.  Some cynical producer imagined that among their viewers there is enough prurient, gawking, morbid interest in this that the market share in viewers would bring a handsome profit to them.

Fox will make some lame-ass statement that the pubic demands this crap and that they are just giving us what they want.  Fox and News Corp have just shown us who they really are and what they think of us. 

In which I was found to be decidedly odd

I’m used to being an oddball.  Well, perhaps I should rephrase that.  I’m accustomed to marching to a different drummer. I can actually hear the cosmic ratta-tat-tat snare drum beat over the cacophany of familiar voices in my head.  All of the history and justifications for this assertion will have to wait for another time.  Just assume for now that I am odd.

I love books and when an opportunity to write one came I took the bait.  A smooth editor plied her magic ways in recruiting me and I  agreed to consider the process.  Oh, this wasn’t to be some work of haute literature.  No, no, tsk. This was to be a chemistry book.  One of those “Advances in _____ Chemistry” type volumes.  It is with a respected publisher that the reader would recognize instantly.  I would serve as editor and write a few chapters.  My head was spinning with the thought of occupying library shelves along with the many familiar names of our science.  Heady thoughts. But to do this, I would need access to the literature.

So, at the recent ACS meeting in San Francisco, I happened by the CAS pavilion where I made an innocent query.  A question that would eventually bring down the whole house of cards.  You see, CAS- Chemicals Abstracts Service- is a type of business. They are in the business of abstracting every single chemically-related publication in the known universe.  Periodicals, patents, poster abstracts, toilet graffitti, symposium series, etc.  To do this requires an army of fastidious people with typing skills.  These people expect compensation commensurate with their skills, and so it costs real money to provide this service. 

So, the universe of customers for the services of CAS is broken into two domains- penurious Academia and fabulous Industry.  Academia, it turns out, pays approximately nothing. Industry pays through the nasal passages.  Now (camera zooms in on me) I’m standing there on the padded carpet in business casual attire with my badge screaming out my affiliation (INDUSTRY!!!).   A representative of CAS dutifully approaches me and politely asks “may I help you”?  By now I’m in full schmooze configuration and I explain my need to purchase SciFinder services for a book project. I explain that this project is my own and my employer has no obligation to fund it.

It was as though I had spoken in some archaic Portuguese dialect.  The CAS person listened to me respectfully and with patience. I can expect no more. I could tell that this story I put forth was considered unconventional or … odd.  But it was quickly determined that I was in the industrial bin and hitherto subjected to the full broadband blast of industrial charges.  I was DOA.

Point of clarification. If you have been on booth duty at a trade show, you know that the first thing you do with a contact is to qualify them.  If they have no potential for decent sales, you politely eject this spent round and load another cartridge.

The representative was done with me. In desparation, I pointed out the grim economics of writing a book.  I would make about $4500 over 5 years and the literature search could easily cost that much at industry prices.  But the door was shut. I was industrial and that was that (crickets in background).

So there I was. Standing there, rudder disabled by an errant torpedo.  Dreams slipping under the cold greasy waves of the north sea.  I needed the economics of academic SciFinder prices and it wasn’t to be.  Crap-a-matic.

The question I have is this.  How does a non-academic write a book summarizing the literature? I guess I have to forget SciFinder and camp out at the nearest unversity library. Interesting problem.

Alas, poor ether, I knew it well …

I’m sorry to witness the slow demise of diethyl ether.  A wonderful solvent it is.  Or perhaps the past tense is more in order.  Righteous organizations are fleeing from this magnificent ethereal fluid.  It will dissolve a Grignard reagent, mighty LAH, or bovine lipids from hamburger.  It’s low melting point and low boiling point has helped to solve ten thousand problems.  Yet despite its advantages, ethers dark side is its undoing.

Ethers “spirited” volatility, that very property that allows for its facile removal, is largely to blame for its doom.  It’s celebrated aptitude for finding ignition sources far from its point of origin has sealed its fate.  Ethers broad explosability window, its distant lower and upper explosion limits, will cause strong men to tremble openly at its supersonic possibilities.  Space explosion, they’ll say in hushed voice.  Poor-mans nuke.  And in the hands of the clumsy, the uncaring, or the plain unlucky, they’re probably right. 

So if you need an extra tanker of ether soon, you may not get it.  It may be on allocation. Serious executives in corner offices with furrowed foreheads and great fuzzy caterpillar eyebrows will anxiously lean forward to explain that it’s really not their fault.  They’ll plead that market demand has shifted its attention to other commodity solvents and that they feel the radiant heat of potential liability for all of the ether product that is out there in plants and on the road. Yes, on the road.  Yet one more reason not to swerve in front of an 18-wheeler.

So, young turks of R&D, consider the multitude of splendid possibilities before you and be not attached to the ether diethyl. For it has gone the way of the buggy whip and cathode ray tube. And above all, take heed the advice of the blessed sage of Stanford, the Cardinal d’efficacité d’atome, Professor Trost and his divine doctrine of atom efficiency.  Verily, he hath cast his pearls before the swine. Blessed is he who substitutes nickel for platinum and chloride for iodide.  And blessed is he who raiseth his space yields, for his pot shall not runneth over.  And exalted is he who spares his rupture disc, for many shall be his days before the Pfaudler.

2-Methyltetrahydrofuran Idea Clearinghouse

I would like to invite readers to share their non-proprietary experiences with the solvent 2-methyltetrahydrofuran, 2-MeTHF.  This is an ethereal solvent that has been around for a while.  While my personal experience with it is admittedly scarce, I have been eyeing this solvent for product use and process chemistry for some time. The manufacturer is concerned that they have a great solvent that will solve some problems for the folks out there, but are a bit flummoxed as to how to spread the word.

Most all synthesis folks will agree that tetrahydrofuran (THF) is a very useful solvent and, no doubt, have their favorite applications for it. I for instance prefer THF in LAH reductions.  THF is a polar, non-protic solvent that offers great solvating capability and a not unreasonable boiling point.  Sterically, THF seems to have a solvating aptitude that is different from diethyl ether. This is seen in the case of Grignard reagents, just to name one example. 

But despite all of the advantages THF offers as a solvent, a non-trivial downside is its water miscibility.  The aqueous workup and extraction of a THF reaction mixture can be complicated by the difficulty in getting a phase separation.  Various tricks can be performed, such as salting out the water layer, adding an aliphatic solvent, or solvent exchange. But these things amount to a workaround to compensate for this unfortunate attribute of THF.

These workaround techniques are not so bad on the benchtop, but at plant scale, they amount to complications that add cost to the process.  Extra expenses in terms of raw mat costs, storage & handling, and waste disposal costs.  A solvent that behaved like THF but allowed for easier workup will definitely help keep the costs of processing down.

MeTHF seems to have some aptitude for solving the THF-water miscibility issue.  But, what do you think?  Have you tried it?  Need to find a supplier? Do you have an anecdote you can share?   Let’s hear what is going on out in the world.

The Calculus of Power

What an amazing thing it is to see, the great ship of state shifts its mighty rudder and the bow turns a few degrees in another direction. With the US House of Representatives under a Democratic majority, the whole calculus of power changes sign. The house that Gingrich built has found unruly new tenants.  Congressional oversight of the executive branch will begin in earnest.  The revolution will be televised.  Subpoena’s will swarm up Pennsylvania Avenue like the swallows of San Juan Capistrano.  

Verily, pity not the wretched and rejected Republicans, for they still own the Executive branch, the Senate, and the supreme court.  And Lo! Malleable though the Senate may be, the smirking majority voting bloc of SCOTUS- Scalia, Roberts, Alito, and Thomas- are tenured unto their last breath. 

Thus spake Zarathustra.

(*End Dream Sequence*)

Fear and Loathing

One of my favorite writers is Hunter S. Thompson.  His trademark acid-trip style of writing always dazzles.  Here is a piece from the Nixon years, 1973-

 “What we are looking at on all our TV sets is a man who finally, after 24 years of frenzied effort, became the President of the United States with a personal salary of $200,000 a year and an unlimited expense account including a fleet of private helicopters, jetliners, armored cars, personal mansions and estates on both coasts and control over a budget beyond the wildest dream of King Midas . . . and all the dumb bastard can show us, after five years of total freedom to do anything he wants with all this power, is a shattered national economy, disastrous defeat in a war we could have ended four years ago on far better terms than he finally came around to, and a hand-picked personal staff put together through five years of screening, whose collective criminal record will blow the minds of high-school American History students for the next 100 years. “

  • Rolling Stone #144 (September 27, 1973)

Clearly, HST despised Nixon.  But in his last years he would have preferred Nixon to Bush II.

“This is going to be a very expensive war, and Victory is not guaranteed— for anyone, and certainly not for anyone as baffled as George W. Bush. All he knows is that his father started the war a long time ago, and that he, the goofy child-President, has been chosen by Fate and the global Oil industry to finish it Now. “

  • “When War Drums Roll” (September 17, 2001)

That was the political side of HST.  What I most appreciate are the outrageous  and surrealistic descriptions, seemingly jotted down while in a lysergic mania.  From Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971)-

 “The sporting editors had also given me $300 in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous drugs. The trunk of the car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. All this had been rounded up the night before, in a frenzy of high-speed driving all over Los Angeles County — from Topanga to Watts, we picked up everything we could get our hands on. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug-collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.”

It is hard to tell if HST’s perceptions were shaped by the psychedelic experience or sharpened by it.  I suspect the latter. 

Wingnuts

Another far right-wing character bites the dust.  Seems that Colorado Springs preacher-man Ted Haggard, mullah of the New Life Church, commander of the “Spiritual NORAD”, weekly advisor to George Bush II, and PT Barnum of the New Testament, has been leading a double life.  Seems he has a private taste for what he publically condemns.  Holy revelations, Batman. 

This is a tragic comedy.  There is some smug satisfaction in seeing a prominent theocrat get tangled in a web of his own construction. A most humiliating experience it must be, to be caught indulging in the most forbidden pleasures of the flesh.  But the fall of Ted Haggard is only the tragic part. 

The comedy part relates to the mechanics of operating theocracy.  Theocracy is governance by revelation.  Self-appointed persons claiming to have received special instructions by, or have special sensitivity to, a supernatural being are the governors of a theocracy.  There are no checks and balances. There can be only unblinking obedience.  This event forces us to pause and think about the pragmatics of operating a theocratic state. How divine is the leaders inspiration? How can you discern the direction from God vs the directions from people? This mode of governance is fundamentally flawed because people are forced to interpret nuance and testamonials as opposed to objective, measurable, reality.

Ted Haggard is (was) a prominent leader of a nascent conservative theocratic movement in America.  See for yourself. Look it up.

Soon we’ll see the obligatory sobbing plea for forgiveness and the posturing.  In 5 years he’ll be back preaching from Arkansas or Indiana on the DayStar network. His fall from grace will be the basis of a book and a CD set.  Maybe this is part of the cycle that the Hindu’s talk about.

Pissin’ and a moanin’, part deux

So, I get an email from some cheerleading functionary from SOCMA, Synthetic Organic Chemical Manufacturers Association.  In it, the sending party gushes that they are endorsing a program to assist public school chemistry teachers in cleaning out their collection of “dangerous chemicals” from school stockrooms.  I promptly replied that I thought it was a terrible idea.  There has been no reply.

Well, I said a bit more than “I think it’s a terrible idea”. 

But how could a rational person conclude it’s a terrible idea? Here it is.  If I thought that the proposed clean-out orgy was limited to ancient bottles of peroxidized ether, great steaming heaps of calomel, or dried out picric acid leftovers, the I agree, let’s get rid of it.  But I know safety people.  Safety people do not like chemicals. They would prefer that we limit our chemical handling to baking soda and vinegar, and even at that, we need full protective garb.

Safety people will clear any stockroom of all of the interesting and useful chemicals from the shelves if given the chance.  Safety people will dress up in bunny suits with respirators and tape off the area in order to do this clean out. I can just see it.  The chemistry lab barracaded with red cones and yellow tape behind which the “hazardous material team” carefully packing jars of copper sulfate and ferric chloride into blue plastic drums filled with vermiculite. The school principal, a former kinesiology major with an administrators certificate, just stands there shaking his head at the prospect of what horrific things could have happened. Another school saved from certain tragedy.

As I’ve said before, reactive chemicals are useful chemicals. If we banish reactive chemicals from our stockrooms, we’re left with petrolatum and NaCl.  It is all part of a tragic dumbing down in the name of safety.  Just because safety staff feel insecure about chemicals, do the rest of us need to have our hands tied? Handling a chemical is like handling a knife. A knifes very utility is manifested in its sharpness. Yeah, you can get cut. But we recognize that the usefulness outweighs the risk.

We should all be skeptical of this trend to replace authentic experiences with virtual experiences.  All students should witness how tiny bits of sodium or potassium react with water. Limiting such real experiences to video experiences is wrong. Students should get to see and do the real thing.

Outbreak of good news

There has been a stunning outbreak of sensibility in the past few days. KFC has decided to move away from partially hydrogenated vegetable oils and the unhealthy stereochemistry situated therein.  This is a good thing.  I’ve always been partial to cis-fats anyway … Now we can picnic with a clear conscience. One day, funnel cakes and corn dogs will be safe to eat.

The second hopeful news item is the decision by NASA to do another mission to refurbish Hubble.  This is one of the worlds great observatories and the notion of letting it expire while we have the capability to service it was just absurd.  Observations from this telescope have changed our understanding of the cosmos.  Good choice, NASA!

The 80/20 Rule

Having done my tour of duty in chemical sales and having travelled over a good bit of the northern hemisphere buying & selling, I’ve picked up a few insights into the B2B and “retail” chemical business.   Everyone has the major chemical catalogs on their desk. You know, the thick tomes from Aldrich, Spectrum, TCI, Matrix, Strem, GFS, Gelest, Fisher, etc.  There is considerable overlap in content, though some specialize in their chosen niches. While Aldrich makes no bones about total world domination, others are pleased just to dominate certain cul de sacs of chemistry. 

SAF is clearly the colossus of international catalog companies.  The Aldrich wing was started by Alfred Bader, now a retired art collector. To hear him tell it, Bader was frustrated by the limited availability of reagent chemicals and spotty service (by Eastman Chemical, if I am not mistaken).   Anyway, Bader was the right character at the right time.  He had a single-minded drive to give chemists what they needed and make a few bucks doing so. The slogan “Chemists Helping Chemists” was a the result of a sincere calling.  Bader visited university chemistry departments and asked professors what they needed.  Over time the Aldrich catalog collection grew and so did the company. Eventually, Bader was quietly forced out of the organization.  Founders can become “problematic” evidently.

Today SAF offers a vast collection of products and makes a sizeable fraction of what they offer.  Most professors don’t know it, but interesting materials from the lab might be saleable to a catalog company. If a prof has developed a new reagent or some useful fragment or pharmacophore, for instance, it might be worth contacting a catalog company to see if they want to stock it. You never know until you ask.

But we business types know that dealing with professors can be sticky, so Herr Doktor Professor, don’t get too high handed or greedy!  Academics are often missing the merchant gene and as a result badly price their wares.  The typical mistake is to over-estimate the demand and hike the price up to the astronomical numbers that you see in the catalogs. 

Here are the problems. Catalog companies do not pay the prices that you see in the catalogs. Buying material for inventory is equivalent to putting a stack of money on the shelf.  They have to pay lots of money up front before the first purchase order for your wonder product is faxed in. They have to pay for those damned fat catalogs, the inventory, salaries, the facility, regulatory compliance, certification, labeling, packaging, the time value of money, taxes, and they have to make a profit for the shareholders. So if the catalog price of something is $10 per gram, figure that they’re likely to keep their costs to $2 to $3 per gram for it, tops.  Obviously, this is subject to variation due the type of material or special negotiated deals.  But a 3x to 5x markup is not uncommon and is necessary to stay in business.

Then, after you ship the product to the catalog house and they put it into the collection, it might not sell.  It could be a dog.  The rule of thumb is that 20 % of your inventory will do 80 % of the business.  So, one of the ways to grow is to increase the number of products. Their interest in your product may be of a statistical nature rather than a firm belief in it’s viability.

I’ve heard many people go off about high catalog prices. I don’t like to pay the high prices either. But it is the cost of convenience.  If you need some obscure material, chances are that you can order it and have it in a few days. That is worth something and the catalog companies know it.  Hell, I’d do the same thing.