Balloon Boy Taken Away in Chains

Denver, Colorado.  Balloon Boy and his parents were arrested this evening at their Ft Collins, Colorado, home. The parents will be arraigned Friday morning and charged with first degree aggravated inconveniencing under Colorado’s strict new incommodus laws. Bringing neighborhood inconvenience is a misdemeanor, but inconveniencing broadcast news organizations and state agencies where helicopters are involved is now a felony and punishable with fines and hard labor.

The Balloon Boy himself was taken into custody by child protective services and will likely be charged with one count each of misdemeanor impertinence and rascalism with intent to evade. If convicted under juvenile code, the Balloon Boy can expect to spend 60 days in juvenile choir in leg irons and orange prison coveralls followed by 5 years of closely monitored confinement to his room with extra homework.

Balloon Boy Still Missing

So the breaking news in my neighborhood is that the Colorado Balloon Boy’s craft has landed, but the 6 year-old boy is missing. The balloon lifted off from a residence in Ft Collins and landed near Prospect reservoir, a few miles NE of Denver International Airport. He drifted at least 50 miles. Reportedly, the basket that was affixed to the balloon was not present at the landing site.

I can only say that as a former six year-old boy, I might not have been able to resist climbing into the balloon either.

Lowest Common Denominator

What is happening in the chemical world is that the safety people are taking control. Everything is dumbing down to the point where the safety of a facility is being judged on the basis of what the least qualified deem as safe. 

I just received an MSDS for the Buchner funnel (!$#%!!) I recently purchased from Aldrich.  The MSDS lists zero’s for Health, Flammability, and Reactivity both for HMIS and NFPA ratings. Thank heavens for that. It does recommend “suitable storage” and that it be kept “tightly closed”.  It is silent, though, on the matter of repeatedly jabbing the pointy end into your eye.

I gotta get out of the chemical business if this is where it is going. Administrative controls on common laboratory activity requires management by a dedicated staff member in order to maintain a favorable paper trail and stay in compliance with the ever growing web of regulation. OSHA, EPA, Homeland Security, as well as state and local agencies who want to inspect this or that or place tax stamps on your balances.

How did civilization get this far along without the legions of officious ninnies who want to exert control over everything you do? Chemical labs have inherent hazards, depending on the work that is being done in them. The cost of achieving de minimus risk for the lowest common denominator is quite high. Risk ends up being transferred to countries who reside on the other side of the curve- those who have little care for people.

Yeston and Kopit’s Phantom

Yeston and Kopit’s Phantom is a musical version of Gaston Leroux’ The Phantom of the Opera. This musical actually predates Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera by a few years but, apparently, was never produced on Broadway. Yeston and Kopit’s Phantom is more of an operetta and, in my estimation, carries a bit more stylistic resemblance to late 19th century opera than does Lloyd Webbers version.

The production of Phantom we attended last night was at a local dinner theatre. The show was quite good, but the Beef Wellington could have used more beef and less Wellington. And, the bottom shelf Merlot had oxidized.

I am not a singer and am in no position to critically review anyone who sings on stage. But in my estimation, the entire cast produced very strong and clear voices in a style suitable for the context.

The stagecraft and lighting worked quite well. Three set pieces representing together a foreshortened wall with columns were set on moving platforms that were adjusted by the cast even while they were performing. It successfully gave the impression that many spaces within the building were represented, including a view from backstage toward the performers on stage. Very clever.

This was a perfectly acceptable interpretation of the book Phantom of the Opera. Yet, having seen a good production of Lloyd Webber’s Phantom, I sat the entire time in anticipation of a performance of Lloyd Webber’s musical numbers which never came. This is surely a common affliction.

After a nice evening of musical theatre we stepped into reality. A driving sideways snowstorm had come in to burst our bubble and, naturally, no scraper was to be found in the car.

Republican swine riled over Obama Nobel Prize.

It is embarrassing to watch Republicans lift the soggy, fetid moss they’re hiding under long enough to stage a mini pageant of mock righteous indignation on President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize. What a bunch of knuckle heads. They’re always angry about something. 

Is the Prize Committee trying to encourage the cause of peace? Sure they are. Is it premature? Yep, but it is done. Let’s take it and make it work for peace.  Somebody needs to try promote peace without the use of mechanized infantry or drones packing hellfire missiles or cluster bombs. Modern warfare is a form of pornography that gratifies the deepest and darkest of bloodlusts. We need to recalculate the guns vs butter equation.

2009 Nobel Prize in Chemistry

Congratulations to the international trio winning the 2009 Nobel Prize in Chemistry-  Venkatraman Ramakrishnan, Thomas A. Steitz, and Ada E. Yonath. The three chemists won the prize for their fundamental work in characterizing the structure and detailed function of the ribosome.

I sat in on a talk at the Organic Symposium this summer where the speaker showed a bit of the work of Yonath.  The ribosome work is simply stunning in its detail and experimental prowess. Hackers like myself can only watch from a distance and admire the work.

Welsh Slate Mine

Just a quick comment on a mining related place to visit. If you find yourself knocking about in Wales, particularly near Snowdonia, it is worth taking the time to visit the Llechwedd Slate Caverns. It is quite sobering to see the working conditions the miners endured, hacking at dark rock in the flickering candlelight.

We found that the Welsh speak Welsh amongst themselves and switch to English seamlessly when you walk to the cash register to buy something. It is hard to describe the sound of the language, though I hasten to add that pronunciation gets easier when you have some Cadbury chocolate stuck to the roof of your mouth. The unique Ll characters are pronounced as a light gutteral “chl”. Imagine whispering this romantic sound as you nibble on your darlings ear under the moonlight. Hey baby …

Afghan Talibanistan

Afghanistan is a country that spontaneously generates Taliban like the USA generates bowling leagues. Afghanistan is a country that produces most of the worlds opium (morphine) and depends heavily upon this form of produce. In case you’ve forgotten, heroin is acylated morphine. 

Afghanistan is a tribal confederation. The country has a very complex history of bloody invasion and occupation. Afghanistan is still gripped by fundamentalist religion and fierce tribalism- a fulminate and gunpowder combination. 

The USA exists as a democratic state today only as the result of a lengthy and self-imposed European evolution from medieval monarchy to democratic constitutional government over, say, 7-800 years from the signing of the Magna Carta to the US constitution. This is one metric. 

Afghanistan has not produced what the rest of the world would recognize as modern institutions and democratic ideals. Afghanistan did not produce a Magna Carta nor an intellectual renaissance producing steam power, electricity, metallurgy, or modern concepts of economics. In fact, much of Afghanistan outside of Kabul shows precious little interest in modernism of any sort.

So, the question is this- What do we hope to accomplish by our invasion of Afghanistan? Exterminate Al Qaeda? At its core, Al Qaeda is an idea. You cannot redirect intrenched ideas with an army.

Other than whack-a-mole military operations fighting insurgents who are armed by powers hostile to the US, we are left with trying to instill a sense of national identity by the installation of basic democratic ideals and institutions in what is little more than a tribal confederation. Afghans have no discernable history of gladly adopting western ideals. And the Afghans adhere to a religion that is poorly compatible with western ideals as well. How do US troops know if the bullets flying by are from the Taliban or from Al Qaeda guns? Just like Viet Nam, much of the indigenous population supports the insurgents either naturally or by coercion.

So, realistically, what does minimally acceptable success in Afghanistan look like? Would we recognize it if we saw it? How much residual Talibanism is acceptable to the occupying powers?

Philly Cheese Steaks

I guess I’m just slow. I finally figured out that you can buy sliced roast beef at the supermarket deli and make a passable Philly Cheese Steak sandwich with very little hassle.

Heat a non-stick pan to high heat with a tbsp of oil. Add diced onion, bell pepper and mushrooms and stir fry for 1-2 minutes. Then add a few oz of diced deli roast beef slices with a dusting of seasoning and brown to taste. Collect the meat and veggies to a sandwich sized pile and cover with a slice of cheese. Place a sliced roll or slice of bread over the cheese for a minute while the cheese melts. Scoop the bread covered meat and invert. Like Anthony Bourdain would say- tastes like it died screaming!

Retrocurricular Translocation of Post-Modern Emphasis in Chemical Pedagogy

I couldn’t resist a sarcastic allusion to post-modernism, whatever the hell that is. What could possibly be under such a bullshit heading? Well, all of my tramping around chemical plants from Europe, Russia, North America, and Asia as well as local mines and mills keeps leading me to an interesting question. Exactly who is being served in the current course of chemistry education? Is it reasonable that everyone coming out of a ACS certified degree program in chemistry is on a scholar track by default? Since I have been in both worlds, this issue of chemistry as a lifetime adventure is never far from my mind.

What are we doing to serve areas outside of the glamor fields of biochemistry and pharmaceuticals? There are thriving industries out there that are not biochemically or pharmaceutically oriented. There is a large and global polymer industry as well as CVD, fuels, silanes, catalysts, diverse additives industries, food chemistry, flavors & fragrances, rubber, paints & pigments, and specialty chemicals. There are highly locallized programs that serve localized demand. But what if you live away from an area with polymer plants? How do you get polymer training? How do you even know if polymer chemistry is what you have been looking for?

Colleges and universities can’t offer everything. They attract faculty who are specialists in areas of topical interest at the time of hire. They try to set up shop and gather a research group in their specialty if funding comes through. Otherwise, they teach X contact hours in one of the 4 pillars of chemistry- Physical, inorganic, organic, and analytical chemistry- and offer the odd upper level class in an area of interest.

Chances are that you’ll find more opportunities to learn polymer chemistry as an undergraduate in Akron, OH, than in Idaho or New Mexico.  Local strengths may be reflected in local chemistry departments. But chances are that in most schools you’ll find faculty who joined after a post-doc or from another teaching appointment. This is how the academy gets inbred. The hiring of pure scholars is inevitable and traditional. But what happens is that the academy gets isolated from the external world and focused on enthusiasms that may serve civilization in distant ways if at all. The question of accountability is dismissed with a sniff and a wave of the hand of academic freedom. Engineering departments avoid this because they are in constant need of real problems to solve. Most importantly, though, engineers understand the concept of scarcity in economics. Chemists will dismiss it as a non-observable.

One often finds that disconnects are bridged by other disciplines because chemistry is so narrowly focused academically. It would be a good thing for industry if more degreed chemists found their way into production environments. I visited a pharmaceutical plant in Taiwan whose production operators were all chemical engineers. Management decided that they required this level of education. But, why didn’t they choose chemists?  Could it be that they assumed that engineers were more mechanically oriented and economically savvy?

Gold mines will hire an analyst to do assays, but metallurgists to develop extraction and processing. Are there many inorganic chemistry programs with a mining orientation? Can inorganikkers step into raw material extraction from a BA/BS program or is that left to mining engineers?

In my exploration I am beginning to see a few patterns that stand out. One is the virtual abdication of  US mining operations to foreign companies. If you look at uranium or gold, there are substantial US mining claims held by organizations from Australia, South Africa, and Canada.

So, what if? What if a few college chemistry departments offered a course wherein students learned to extract useful materials from the earth? What if students were presented with a pile of rock and debris and told to pull out some iron or zinc or copper or borax or whatever value may happen to be in the mineral?

What if?? Well, that means that chemistry department faculty would have to be competent to offer such an experience. It also means that there must be a shop and some kilo-scale equipment to handle comminution, leaching, flotation, and calcining/roasting. It’s messy and noisy and the sort of thing that the princes of the academy (Deans) hate.

What could be had from such an experience? First, some hours spent swinging a hammer in the crushing process might be a good thing for students. It would give them a chance to consider the issues associated with the extraction of value from minerals. Secondly, it would inevitably lead to more talent funneling into areas that have suffered from a lack of chemical innovation. Third, it might have the effect of igniting a bit more interest in this necessary industry by American investors. The effect of our de-industrialization of the past few generations has been the wind-down of the American metals extraction industry (coal excluded).

If you doubt the effect on future technologies of our present state of partial de-industrialization, look into the supplies of critical elements like indium, neodymium, cobalt, rhodium, platinum, and lithium. Ask yourself why China has been dumping torrents of money into the mineral rich countries of Africa.

I can say from experience that some of the most useful individuals in a chemical company can be the people who are just as much at home in a shop as in a lab. People with mechanical aptitude and the ability to use shop tools are important players. Having a chemistry degree gives them the ability to work closely with engineers to keep unique process equipment up and running efficiently.

Whatever else we do, and despite protestations from the linear thinkers in the HR department, we need to encourage tinkerers and polymaths.

This kind of experience doesn’t have to be for everyone. God knows we don’t want to inconvenience Grandfather Merck’s or Auntie Lilly’s pill factories. Biochemistry students wouldn’t have to take time away from their lovely gels and analytical students could take a pass lest their slender digits become soiled. Some students are tender shoots who will never have intimate knowledge of how to bring a 1000 gallon reactor full of reactants to reflux, or how to deal with 20 kg of BuLi contaminated filter cake. But I hasten to point out that there are many students with such a future before them and their BA/BS degree in chemistry provides a weak background for industrial life.

A good bit of the world outside the classroom is concerned with making stuff.  I think we need to return to basics and examine the supply chain of elements and feedstocks that we have developed a dependence upon. American industry needs to reinvest in operations in this country and other countries, just like the Canadians, South Africans, and Australians have. And academia should rethink the mission of college chemistry in relation to the needs of the world, rather than clinging to the aesthetic of a familiar curriculum or to the groupthink promulgated by rockstar research groups. We need scholars. But we also need field chemists to solve problems in order to make things happen.