The months of August and September of this year, 2025, have been less than fun. I had a tumor removed from my tongue (a partial glossectomy) in August and a neck dissection in September to look for signs of spread. The 15 or so lymph nodes removed were all clear of cancer. As a result, my ability to swallow is impaired and my speech is now slurred. The dissection resulted in nerve damage resulting in malfunction of facial muscles and the ability of my tongue to participate normally in chewing and swallowing. You know that smacking sound you make when you kiss someone? That is now gone.

Combined with a previous problem with balance, I can easily appear as though I’m drunk or stoned. My nightmare is that I’ll end up doing a roadside sobriety test and fail it spectacularly. The copper will be momentarily satisfied that he/she found another drunk driver until I blow a 0.000 % on their handy-dandy blood alcohol meter. Yeah, then we’ll share some laughter together until I say ‘I told you so’ then we’ll part ways.

I disclose this personal information only to ask the broader question of who thinks of having a tumor cut out of your tongue when you’re younger? The inside of your mouth is perhaps the most intimate place on your body. Our consciousness is certainly tied in closely. It began as a small dysplasia which I had removed several years ago. This year it had regrown into a tumor, as dysplasia often does.

I’ve had difficulty choking on food since my throat cancer was heavily irradiated in 2013. But this new problem is more difficult and immediate. Eating and drinking normally causes food to come out my nose with prolonged coughing. Everything I eat must either be normally thick, like soup, or be thickened with carrageenan gum. Low viscosity fluids like water or soft drinks cause choking.

My ENT suggested physical therapy to help with the neck swelling through massage, but I said I just had to find a strip mall with a massage parlor. A moment of whimsy in the exam room.

This afternoon I’ll top off this surgery season with a root canal and crown. Happy happy joy joy. As a side note, Medicare has been surprisingly easy to work with.