At a meeting recently the topic of a particular computer was put on the table for discussion. A colleague who fancies himself a bit of a computer wrangler kept referring to the computer as a machine. This machine runs on Vista or that machine runs on XP. Jargonese flew out of his cake hole with such fluid grace and certitude that I found myself momentarily drawn in by the minute details of Cat 5 and internet protocols. I had to force myself to snap out of it.
This use of the word “machine” in reference to computers has always annoyed me, but in this case the annnoyance was starting to raise welts on my brain. This madness has to stop.
A computer is a circuit, not a machine. Get that? It’s a circuit comprised of chips soldered to a board.
I’ll give an example of a machine. The screws holding down the circuit board to the frame are elementary machines. A screw is a machine that converts rotational motion to translational motion. Oh yeah, it is a great fastener as well.
A machine can remove body parts, deglove your hand, or unload a cargo ship. A computer is a circuit that at worst, can provide annoyance, vexations, and spam.
Fellows, if you want to swagger around with manly bravado, stick to manly things. Sports cars, bulldozers, and beer. Computer jargon is for prissy little Nancy-boys with overbearing mother figures.
Lamentations on Chemistry 
Sorry dude, it’s a machine. I know it was easier to see 30+ years ago, when we had Real Man instructions like HRLZS and you could just *see* all the little bits running like mad from the right half of the word to the left half. The bits are smaller now, and the instruction sets often wimpier, but they’re still running around in The Machine.
I will take exception to the ordering of the “runs on” phrase though. Vista (gak) runs on a machine, probably badly. The machine doesn’t “run on” Vista, or XP, or any other OS.
Are all circuits computers? Not sure what’s got your dander up.
An abacus is a computer which uses a human being as a machine.
Sounds likes you have a preference which not all share. Modern computer machines…ha…ha…are comprised of several interacting subsystems that coordinate to bring about a unified..predictable response.
Isn’t predictability the essence of a machine? Isn’t that why sloppy humans hate them?
Funny the French geeks often say “machine” too, more often if it is a big one, like a Vax. But the small ones are still called “ordinateur”, a word that comes from theology and means God (God who gets everything in order). The term ordinateur was coined in the 50ies by a French professor of latin who was asked by IBM how to translate “Electronic Data Processing System” EDPS
I suppose a computer does work on packets of electrons by accelerating them through a large number of semiconductor devices. A machine is something that does work in the mass x acceleration x distance sense. Computers certainly absorb electrical power.
I like the designation Ordinateur.
F=MA……So cite me anything in the physical world that doesn’t involve force?
I see words in your def like ‘often’ and ‘device’.
o.k you extrapolated a few bits too far. Happens to the best of us. I still think a pc has something to do with IBM!
I agree!
That is why I coem to this Blog, to have a good conversation about a interesting post.
Hello Light- You’re right. F=ma is everywhere. My post was more of a Jerry Seinfeld view of machines than an Isaac Newton view.