Denver, Colorado. Balloon Boy and his parents were arrested this evening at their Ft Collins, Colorado, home. The parents will be arraigned Friday morning and charged with first degree aggravated inconveniencing under Colorado’s strict new incommodus laws. Bringing neighborhood inconvenience is a misdemeanor, but inconveniencing broadcast news organizations and state agencies where helicopters are involved is now a felony and punishable with fines and hard labor.
The Balloon Boy himself was taken into custody by child protective services and will likely be charged with one count each of misdemeanor impertinence and rascalism with intent to evade. If convicted under juvenile code, the Balloon Boy can expect to spend 60 days in juvenile choir in leg irons and orange prison coveralls followed by 5 years of closely monitored confinement to his room with extra homework.
Lamentations on Chemistry 
In the name of Humanity don’t give the authorities Ideas or your joke might come true!
Ban private possession of helium, of all bottled gases. Of air compressors, balloons, bubble solution, Scrubbing Bubbles, bubble pack, bubble gum. Comics dialog balloons. Ban it all! – to protect the little children.